I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
