she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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