I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
