Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
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Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
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My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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