You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm at about main and main street
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
