Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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