she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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