Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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