I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
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My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
50% drunk capacity currently
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And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.