the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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