Three words: puerto rican gang bang
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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