the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down