I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.