After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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