I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
