Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
