Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
