Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
