I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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