I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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