it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
