we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
