the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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