is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
im holly from the hills drunk
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
