i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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