i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
