My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
