My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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