This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
