So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just had sex on a roof
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
