there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
well most of my day revolves around power hour
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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