Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
