You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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