I have demons in me.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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