He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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