quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
