i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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