i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
