I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
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Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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