Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
