This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
