he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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