I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
