There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
