Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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