you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
what the fuck happened to the tacos
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
