So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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