last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
