areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
