So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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