oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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