I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
