DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
