apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
