It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
