Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
