Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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