Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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