my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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