I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
