she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
