saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
