So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
