I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
