yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
In other news, I just burned my penis
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
