in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
