that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
