According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
