but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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