I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
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