You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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