Your tits are I can't wait for
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
