oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize