She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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