Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
