I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Plan B is the new Plan A
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
