Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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