i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
