dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
