smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
