I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
