I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
