sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
