I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
