I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
