I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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