I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
