farters have to be the big spoon...
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
