we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
